What if my friends don't want to PvP?

Got a question From a long time reader here:

Well Friendly, I'm just getting closer and closer to canceling. I want to do so many things, yet no one EVER does anything with me. Even my close friends on there always ignore my requests for fun. I want to PvP so badly, yet no one will ever accept, and no one is ever online. As of now the whole game is a complete waste of money. Do you have any suggestions?

C&C, I'm torn. This is a tough one. I've typed you three responses already and deleted them all. yikes.

Don't talk in Extremes
I can sense you're really feeling some emotions here because you're talking in extremes like: always, ever, no one, anything, whole, complete . . . . Do you see those words in your message? I do, and I know it's not the whole truth because of them.

So my first suggestion is, relax a bit on these extreme feelings. I know the game hasn't been a complete waste for you. Even if you leave now, you've had many months of fun. Don't forget that and don't let the thirst for PvP ruin that.

Talk to your friends like they're friends
Next, you mention a problem of getting your friends to PvP with you. Here's my suggestion. Talk to your friends about playing PvP with you, differently. If someone kept bugging me about "let's pvp!" all the time, it would become a bit . . . ignorable.

You need to really talk with them and find out what it would take for them to pvp with you. You need to tell them why you want to pvp and why you specifically want to pvp with them. It's not just that they are a warm body and a means to your ends.

You know, and maybe they don't really like to PvP because it's draining. Sometimes it can take a lot of time and maybe your friends just don't have that kind of time. Sometimes it can be that they don't like the smack talk factor of PvP. Sometimes it can just be a little nerve wracking to duel a human opponent. It's a lot harder than dueling the computer.

Once you find out what it is that's bugging your friend about PvP, then you can try to work it out. (because PvP can also be a TON of fun, right?)

In a perfect world, all my friends would be on the same energy level and vibe as I am about whatever it is I'm doing at the moment. In reality, we don't always feel the same at the same time.

You've got to persuade them, not with appeals to pity (like "As of now the whole game is a complete waste of money") or appeals to consequence (like "I'm just getting closer and closer to canceling"), but you need to persuade them because you are awesome, which I think you are!

The Bottom Line
I know you're awesome. You have three grandmasters and have played this game to the ground! You've tried to pass along information in a blog. And, you've followed my blog for a long time!

All you need to do is try a few different strategies with your friends and see if you get results.

Also have you considered any of these:

- scheduling a few times to PvP with your friends during the week? (if someone knows in advance that there is a "pvp date," then you may have better success)
- offering a reward for your friends pvp'ing with you. I know that may sound strange, but reward power can be a very powerful thing. The next time someone pvp's with you, drop a cool treasure card on them after the fact and tell them thanks for coming. You don't have to do that every time . . . it's just a little something to say thank you.
- taking a break. You've definitely earned it. Maybe taking a month off wouldn't be so bad, you know? When you put some distance between you and the game, maybe you'll see it wasn't so important after all.

Beyond the Bottom Line
If you're friends don't want to pvp and you *do* want to pvp, then perhaps what you need to do is go to central and put up an advertisement that you want to build a team for pvp and spell out your intentions, like . . . I want to pvp most nights for two hours, my goal is to make xx rank, I need teammates that aren't going to flee in fights, etc.

Your plea actually reminds me of how a lot of people can feel about raiding in other games. Let me try to explain.

In Everquest I first started the game in a guild of friends and family. When you're in a guild, you all share the same tag on your name and you all have a special chat channel dedicated just to you. Someone is the guild leader and they usually have officers. Then there's everyone else.

Our friends and family guild raided once a week on Thursdays. We did pretty good at raiding for our small guild, but here's the thing . . . other guilds were raiding pretty much every night of the week.

Now raiding usually isn't a light-hearted happy thing. It's a "hardcore" gaming experience with a small margin for error where you usually throw yourself against very difficult scripted events for a small reward . . . usually a piece of gear for one or two people and that's it.

Naturally, people began to see the disparities between the way our guild was outfitted in loot compared to how the other guilds were outfitted in loot. And they got the thirst for loot. It's a scary disease. So, our long time friends would leave our guild and go join a raiding guild.

Well, when whole families of people are being fragmented, then it starts to become a problem socially. The guild fell apart and we all flocked to other guilds based on what our interests were. Some went to raiding guilds, some went to other family oriented guilds, etc.

When you build a pvp team . . . you would basically be building a mini-guild of four people or so. You become committed to those people.

I'm pretty much proposing that if it's not working out with your friends that you search for new friendship with people that pvp. You metaphorically leave your guild for a new one. Now, THAT's a tough decision to make. You need to figure out if your thirst for pvp is really that strong.

I hope *something* in that mess of a long post held something of value for you.

Happy Dueling!