Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Dealing with feeling like YOU are the problem

Yeah, you know, most of the kids that drop by this page are young. VERY YOUNG. So, seriously, it’s ok if a seemingly troll-like post like this hits the comments. I mean, if you guys seriously have nowhere else to turn, then great, I’ll try to address things like this. Just know up front that I’m nowhere near being a qualified therapist. All I can give you is my opinion, and all people that comment on this thread can give you are their opinions. Right? So if your intuition tells you that this advice is bunk, then go get some advice somewhere like this.

Here’s the message I got:

Stingite, all other bloggers and readers out there, i really want to say something. i will remain anonymous until further notice. i really want your opinion on how to help fix my life. i mean, all of my families problems seem to revolve around me! like, the very fact i was concieved! if that did not happen, my mother's husband wouldnt have left her, and my mom and real dad would still be in arizona with their succsesful vending machine buisness. and i am perhaps the most power wasting person in this family. i am always on the computer, which can waste power and money! and my family isnt exactly made of money. and my whole sleeping pattern is messed up! you know what time i woke up? 6 pm sunday! its 7 in the morning on monday now! sorry stingite/friendly/thomas, i know this is your blog but to alll of those who reads the wizard of many names blog, comment on ways i can fix my life . . .

Here’s the deal from my point of view:

1- You did everything right. Your job when being born was to fight to live. Congrats.

2- You are not to blame for your parents’ actions. You weren’t there to suggest that maybe they should think more about the consequences of having a kid.

3- You are not to blame for your parents’ ill fortune. They are to blame because, once again, you weren’t there to suggest they think more about the consequences of bringing you into the world. Not your fault.

4- Someone is making you feel guilty; either it’s yourself or your parents or someone else. The next question you have to answer is, “why?” Why are they/he/she/I making me feel guilty? Now that’s the real question. You need to figure that out. I think you need to look deeper at that and meditate on it.

5- When you feel guilt, it really means you need to find repentance. Now I’m not talking biblical repentance here, but it’s close. I’m talking about feeling remorse, making amends, and finding true forgiveness. It’s a solid path to erasing guilt and replacing it with something far better: action.

So, I say, what the heck . . . go ahead, feel remorse about feeling powerless about your situation. That’s fine and in fact needed. You gotta really feel that pain. But here’s the key, you also need to follow up with action. Follow up with making amends.

Who do you make amends to? Most likely YOURSELF! You need to change your mind about feeling powerless and own your life. THIS IS YOUR LIFE NOT YOUR PARENTS' MISTAKE. NEVER NEVER NEVER FEEL LIKE YOUR LIFE IS THE PROBLEM! Your life, my friend, is full of potential. Make it beautiful. Make it full of wonder and intrigue. Make it your own. There’s so much out there to experience in this world. There’s such a need for good in this world. And I have faith you can help if you just stop feeling powerless.

Then this is the hard part . . . you need to forgive yourself. This probably won’t come quickly, but when you change your mind that you are going to own your life and live the way you know you should live, then you need to forgive yourself for ever feeling that way, and forget it. Put it behind you and believe in who you really are to become.

Here’s an idea, draw your life’s success story on a piece of paper. Then everyday for a couple months, crack that bad boy out and say to yourself, “I am committed to my success story.” It may sound cheesy, but when you’re committed and when you have a vision of what you want to become, then you’re more likely to make that happen. Do it and increase your odds for success. Next, share it. Get feedback. Get ideas. Get fearless. I'd much rather hear about you losing sleep because you're excited about the future, than hear that guilt and worry are keeping you awake. You know?

Listen, if you feel you are wasting power and money on the computer, then ACT. The power button is just a finger push away. You are not powerless.

If you feel you should be making money, then ACT. Get a paper route or ask if you can help a neighbor by mowing their lawn for money. Look to examples like Ashley Qualls . . . she made 4 million dollars off of her website and she's only 17. If your parents don’t allow it, then, once again, you are not responsible at that point.

If you feel like you are the cause of your mom’s miserable life, then ACT. I highly doubt the purpose of your life was to sit and wallow in guilt about being born. It sounds silly, doesn’t it? yup. And to be honest, it's probably not that miserable at all. Have you talked about this with her?

If you can stop feeling powerless at this age . . . if you stop the cycle of telling yourself that you’re more trouble than you’re worth, you’ll be far far ahead of most of the adults out there in the world who are miserable and more self-defeating than you.

You are the author of your success story. THINK BIG.

Also, if these games like Wizard101 are distracting you from your success story, put them away. If anyone lets entertainment get in the way of finding out who you really are, then they’ve failed. On the other hand, this game we all play is a great way to blow off steam. I don't think you should feel guily about this relatively cheap form of somewhat social entertainment. It costs a lot more to take the family to the movies and out to eat every weekend . . . believe me.

Finally, best of luck from me. I appreciate that you reached out. There's really no need to expose who you are. Remain anon. It's all good.

Happy Dueling.


Anonymous said...

Wow. I don't know what to say.

Anonymous said...

listen, friendly. thanks for the advice. but, frankly. i am not really social. i was born and i am happy i'm alive, but its just my moodjust changes like every day and it wears on me. i am not social. so even if it was possible to mow my neighbors yards underneath all the piles of junk, i dont even know these guys and they are mostly family members in my neighbor hood. i mean its natural for me to not be social, i mean my dads father was in the cia, the third one to cross the sound barrier, and the first to cross both the poles with supersonic speed, not to mention my dads half of the family comes from the esoteric society of the Masons. the only qualification you need to join is you need to believe in a supreme being. (AKA God, buddha, Whatever.)
so yeah great advice but, my brother and dad have decided to be civil o each other but the balance is shaky. and we are just about to come into some income. Payday is coming soon! yay. so hopefully things will clear up a bit. but seriously. that was a great speech, Thomas. Thanks Thomas. cant wait for the next item of the day. Happy dueling!

stingite said...

Seriously, I feel for you.

But, I think you can still give writing your success story a shot despite the mood swings, despite being unsocial, and despite the poor living conditions.

Will you try?

Also, I hate to ask this, but what is your diet like?

Anonymous said...

well, i am thinking that when i am older, i can get a job at kingsisle. i have agreat idea for a summer trip/ contest thing for when the company comes into a lot of money. like a sting of small islands money. they can hold a contest. and the grand prize is to be the first one to try out the summer wizard camp thing. it will be the whole game (minus teleportation, probably) with the storyline, even the trips between worlds will be a ride. i am also thinking the same thing for the square enix company with kingdom hearts. as for my diet, it suffered with my sleeping getting messed up. my brother being here does not help. with his music on all night and talking to his friends on the computer at night. it is annoying. my sucsess story will happen, just not until i can get a job. three more legal years. then i can drive and legally work for minimum wage.

stingite said...

well, obviously I don't really know the extent of your situation, but what you eat and how you sleep can really affect your mood. Caffeine is harsh. Sugar is harsh. Bad fats are harsh. Also, if you're not getting exercise because you're on the computer to much is harsh. Those things add up. But I don't really know your situation that well.

How long until your brother is out of the house?

It sounds like you at least have a little bit of your future success story written. Awesome!

Michael said...

Stingite, although I have nothing to do with this post, I think that what you did is awesome. It's great that you have a heart to help people, and I know how you can feel good when someone posts about you. I remember when you did that whole post about storm or fire... It made me feel special. lol Point is, you're a great guy. Btw, where did the name stingite come from? :P

stingite said...

haha! Thanks, Michael. Hopefully Anonymous is feeling a little better. Or will feel better when things start looking up for him/her.

Where did stingite come from? That, sir, is another post at another time. ;-)

Anonymous said...

all of those things and more, my friend. all thos things and more. i, too, want to know where stingite came from.