First Chemo -- I got this!

It's been a few weeks since my last update, so how am I doing?

First up, I've now had my first chemo infusion, which happened on Friday, 18 July -- the first couple days were a breeze, especially since I had steroids helping me feel good.  After that, things started to decline. Sunday started the fatigue and then Monday and Tuesday were about rock bottom. By Wednesday, it felt like I was starting to bounce back, but I was still a bit fatigued. Thursday, I felt more like myself. 

Let's do this!

This week, I feel fine, I'm just in what they call the nadir period. That means my white blood cell count is low and I'm prone to getting sick. Luckily, I've only had to go to my physical work location a couple of times as they were cool enough to let me work from home.  I'm playing it safe and thankfully all of my family members seem to be healthy.

The chemo process itself is pretty wild. You go in and they verify your identity with every chemical that enters your body. Something else I didn't know, they mix your flavor of poison (that would be carboplatin and pemetrexed for me) up fresh right there in the pharmacy. Because of that, there's some waiting around to be done.

Bring it, Chemo!

I had a couple cool nurses though. Both were named Charly. Well, one was named Charlee (Charl E squared) and Charly. Of course, when I left a review for them, I called them my Charly's Angels. OF COURSE I DID. Charl E squared spent a lot of time just listening to me ramble about my story, which I appreciated. She was busy, but she took time to hang with me. She was actually shocked that I didn't have any other signs like shortness of breath before I had back pain. (I felt validated in the weirdness of the whole situation.)

Speaking of back pain, the worst part was an increase in shoulder pain that first week after chemo. I asked the doctor about it, and it may just be that the pain will get worse before it gets better as cells die off and sluff into the fluid around my lungs.  It's a theory we're running with. 

For that first week, there was also a weird taste in my mouth (very metallic or gluey) that kind of messed with the taste of food. Some sweet stuff tasted bitter, and my favorite taco time soft flour tacos tasted bland and gluey. I really couldn't stomach the hot sauce either. 

Besides that, I don't know, that first week was just like living through a little dismal, down-swing period. I remember thinking that I felt a bit like a zombie from the walking dead, just kind of disassociating between reality and craving human flesh, ok no craving human flesh . . . yet. My eyesight also seemed to be a little off, which was an odd side effect I wasn't expecting? 

This second week, though, everything seems back to normal -- like I said earlier, I just need to play it safe.

My home office buddy

From what I understand, the first infusion isn't horrible, but perhaps they get worse as you go on? I guess I'll have to wait and see? They happen every three weeks, so another one is quickly approaching.

Oh yeah . . . also (sigh), unfortunately biopsy two didn't yield any results. They found cancer sure enough, but they didn't get enough of it to get any genetic markers. Because of that they'll be knocking me out YET AGAIN. This time on . . . you guessed it . . . my birthday! It's a happy birthday third biopsy on August 4th y'all! This time they'll be going in through the back to try and get a better shot at one of the masses.

My best George Costanza Model Pose at my 2nd Biopsy

On the positive side, I appreciate that they're being very cautious about not puncturing my lungs, and I really hope that the birthday present I get from the Huntsman Institute is a genetic marker with a good immunotherapy -- all gift wrapped with some Keytruda and ready to go.

Thank you so much to those who have reached out in one way or another. I love you guys! I really appreciate the show of support and the very kind words and gifts. It's humbling to know so many have been doing what they can in the best ways they know how. Truly. Thank you. 

Time for the real boss fight: Lung Cancer

You might have noticed I've been a bit distant lately. I've talked a bit about my wonderful distractions like Hogwarts Legacy and Dune, but really, they are just distractions from what's really going on with me. Unfortunately, it's because I have an actual health issue that's hard for me to talk about. I've been putting it off because who wants to talk about cancer?! Ugh. Is there any good time to talk about cancer? probably not. Here we go.

About 4-5 months ago, I started having some pretty strong shoulder and back pain. At the time I thought I had done something to my shoulder while going axe throwing with my church group. What followed was a month of going to the chiropractor to no avail. After a couple trips to the regular doctor and two x-rays later, my doctor recommended I get a CT scan since I had some fluid on my lungs and things looked "worse."

After the CT scan review, the doctor let me know I had about five masses in my left lung, and one of them looked cancerous. We scheduled a PET scan and sure enough, my left lung lit up like a Christmas tree.

Next up typically would be a biopsy, but I managed to fast track a fluid drain from my lungs at the Huntsman Cancer Institute in Salt Lake, which verified, yes, this is non-small cell Adenocarcinoma in my lungs. Between that fluid analysis and my PET Scan, my oncology team let me know I've been classified with Stage 4 Lung Cancer. 

No one knows how I got it. Yes, I smoked for a few years back in my early 20's, but it's been so long ago (30 years) that the doctors say it can't be blamed on that. I loved what the doctor said it *could* be blamed on, however: "cosmic radiation and bad luck." That's gotta be the name of my next album. (One of the tracks will have to be an experimental noise track featuring ocean waves mixed with the sound of an MRI since that's what I chose to listen to while they were scanning my brain.)

Brain MRI to fear? Worry not, underdog is here!

As for how long I've had cancer . . . I asked one of the specialists, and she guessed, "six months? a year? hard to say." One thing I remember is back when I had a kidney stone a year and a half ago, the radiologist in the emergency room said they noticed some scarring on my lungs. And that was it. Not, "YO, go get that checked out!" Not, "Hey! This could be cancer!" Nothing. There's really no screening for a thing like this unless you're "at risk," which I wouldn't have been. It's a mystery.

Anyway, the Stage 4 diagnosis has been difficult to process and definitely life altering. Surgery is out as far as options go, it's too deep into the lymph nodes and lining of my lung. Average life expectancy is five years with this cancer (some get less, some get more). You can see something different in my face since the news. I almost immediately lost 15-20 pounds (probably due to stress).

The worst part of this so far has been the pleurisy-like pain. I can no longer put my head on a pillow or lay on my side. Instead, I have to just lay flat on my back and take a bunch of pain meds to get to sleep. If I sneeze, it feels like I've torn a back muscle. I guess the next worse part has simply been considering my mortality and what will happen with my wife and kids if I die. I figured I had 20 more years of work in me and some golden years with my wife. 

Always playing the support role!

I am hopeful, of course! That could still happen! We're still trying to see if there are any genetic markers with my lung cancer that there are known therapies for. A genetic marker like ALK would mean I would have a pill available to me that could extend my life by years. YEARS! I also believe in miracles. I saw so many in just getting me from Texas back to Utah. I can't deny my faith. I also have other success stories I can look to. It's been my pleasure to trade texts with a local stage 4 colon cancer survivor that was on the brink of death and came back for the win. 

All of that has led me to today . . . besides what was mentioned above, I've now had two biopsies (since the first didn't yield results). Yesterday I started chemotherapy. On the upside, the brain MRI was clean, so it hasn't spread there. The Second CT scan showed it hasn't grown much in the past couple months. So, here goes nothing! I'm going to fight it with all I've got because even though I shouldn't expect a cure with Stage 4 cancer of any kind, it's not unheard of to fight cancer and win . . . at least temporarily. They're making advances all the time. (and as many of my friends have told me, there are holistic medicine choices to consider). It's just . . . a lot. Especially right now since it's new. 

Sending a message to my cancer.

I know some will see this post and think, how can I help? I'm not sure yet, and I'm not accustomed to asking for help. For now, just being there, cheering me on, and letting me know you're in my corner is enough. In the future, I may actually need some help, but for now I'm still working and doing my thing, just with this newly added, cancerous wrinkle.

TFN, Amber Deathsong, Kyle Skystaff, and the diapermancer.

Thankfully I have a very supportive and loving family. The kids have been so loving and incredibly supportive. The Uber Wife has been amazing and by my side the whole way. We've had sleepless nights. We've had long talks. She's held me close when I was close to losing it. She's amazing, She's my everything. I don't know what I'd do without her.

I'm incredibly thankful for my family and friends who have been there for me through all my text messages and phone calls. Thank you for your prayers and thoughts. Thank you for the visits and all the offers of help. I really do appreciate it. I'm humbled by your generosity.

Cancer sucks. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It would be great to add Stage 4 Cancer Survivor to my list of accomplishments.

Happy Dueling!

Cowabunga, it's spicing time!

It's been a few weeks, and I've been playing a lot (for me at least) of Dune Awakening. The dynamic duo of TreeTrunks McSkinny and Skip Legday just completed the Fourth Trial and have been busy building our skills, filling out our bases, completing contracts (quests), and making new stuff to drive around the desert in.

Skip and I are ready to tackle some mining expeditions!

We've landed on a combat style that includes me running up and going ham on enemies getting agro while Mr. Legday snipes them all from a distance. That means I've augmented my Mentat abilities with a little swordsman to boot. It's not a bad combo so far.

Dead bodies everywhere and the friendly necromancer go hand in hand.

I like to think of us as the bad boys of the private server with our despicable Harkonnen ways. I believe everyone else chose to go with House Arrakis. NOT US! TreeTrunks and Skip always do things the hard way, which probably means we'll miss out on some server-wide bonuses at some point.  Meh.

In this survival game, however, the one thing you can be sure of is death -- it's always around the next corner. Whether it's being swallowed by a sand worm, killed by a mob of slavers, or just drying up in the sun -- death is ever present. Luckily, you have the power of respawn! In a lot of ways, Dune Awakening is much like ye' olde EverQuest in that if you die somewhere, you have to go back to the spot and collect your items you lost.  It's not quite as punishing, though, because at least you don't have to run back naked and afraid.  You at least keep your equipped gear on.

Stupid CHOAM Heavy and his stupid Heavy Darts . . .

What I think I enjoy most about this game are the small details. Occasionally, large zone-wide sandstorms will kick up and damage anyone who isn't sheltered. The other day I was hiding in a little nook of a stone wall to shelter from a storm and turned the camera to look behind me. You could see sand particles sweeping across the rock plateau. What a cool touch! Little, beautiful touches like this are everywhere.

The combat is surprisingly fun when you have a mix of gunplay and melee. Trying to make a slow dagger strike through armor is so satisfying. In addition, it all just makes sense within the context of the movies (I'd say books, but I haven't read them).

Overall, I've just really enjoyed my experience in Dune Awakening so far. Up next for me is probably relocating my base closer to a station and pressing on into the fifth spice dream vision.

As the Ninja Turtles would say, "Cowabunga, it's spicing time!"

Happy Dueling!